Today I Got Hit in the Face with a Bottle of Hanitizer!
Have you ever gotten angry and immediately started crying? I know I have, and it used to make me even more angry. I’ve learned that crying is our body’s way of self-regulating our emotions whether they are happy, sad, anxious, angry, frustrated, or somewhere in between (all scribbled up as we call them here). I don’t get so upset with myself anymore when this happens. This leads me into chatting about regulation of both body and emotion. It is something that is so very important to everyday life but often missed when working with children.
Regulation of emotions and body is the first step in a child being engaged and being able to learn and participate.
If they are wrapped up in their feelings, not knowing what they’re feeling, or uncomfortable, their mind will be focusing on that or better yet how to get out of the uncomfortable state they are in and not on learning and participating. So, step one to creating a happy, healthy learning environment is to make sure your participant is comfortable and regulated. I’m going to share what to look for and how you may help.
What dysregulation looks like varies from person to person and emotion to emotion.
For some, anger manifests in tears and retreat. For others it manifests in screaming, hitting, and kicking (throwing hand sanitizer or hanitizer as so many kids call it) Or it could manifest anywhere in between or a little of both. Sadness and anxiety can show up in much the same way. The why is secondary at the moment and the priority should be helping the child calm back to a state of peacefulness and feeling happy or just okay. To recognize when your child is feeling dysregulated, body language can be a big helper.
Their body may tense up, they may not be looking at you, they may become fidgety, they may slouch or slump, or they may become very still and rigid. Any out-of-the ordinary body movement or language could be a sign that they need some extra support. Emotions are a sure-fire way to identify dysregulation. When emotions are bigger than normal, whether it is crying, yelling, and even laughing, they may be having a hard time with the situation they are in and with expressing just how they are feeling.
Helping kids find labels for their emotions is the first step to working through them.
The best way to do this is to let them see your emotions and to talk about them and what you’re feeling. When you’re sad, don’t hide it, tell them you are and let them know how you’re going to work on feeling better. An idea of how to do this could be: “I’m feeling sad today because someone said something to me that wasn’t nice. I am going to listen to some happy music and dance with you in the kitchen until I feel better!”
Likewise, when they are experiencing BIG emotions, acknowledging that they exist and you see that and are willing to meet them where they are at is an important first step to navigating them. You could say something like: “I see that you are feeling some big feelings. I want to sit with you and help you calm down so that we can talk about it.” Depending on the child, alone time may be the best option. Changing this a little to say: “I see that you are feeling some big feelings. Take some time to calm down and then we’ll talk.” If your child would respond best to the latter, a quiet, calm spot dedicated to calming their body and mind down may be super helpful in your home.
Deep breathing and mindfulness are other methods that can be beneficial for children in handling emotions. There are some links that may be helpful in working on deep breathing strategies with your child, if you feel this is something that will be helpful. This, in conjunction with learning the language surrounding what they are feeling, would be the place to start as you navigate growth in the area of emotions and grow your child’s ability to communicate about feelings.